I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
