so that wasnt chicken after all
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize