for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
