my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
