My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
