I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize