it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize