69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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