Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
