her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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