i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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