how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
