Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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