I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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