so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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