Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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