the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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