that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
