Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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