he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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