Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My first STD was from a foam party
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
