I think I won the penis lottery.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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