I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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