Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
