you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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