i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
