My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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