sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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