Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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