The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
