so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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