I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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