My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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