She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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