So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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