The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
