Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
