Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
