Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
