you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was like eating out sand paper
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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