i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
