I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
