in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Are we still banned from the library?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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