I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
