Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize