I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
