quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need moral support for this bender
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize