Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
false alarm, still single
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
