To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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