is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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