I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
