U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
