he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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