dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
