no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
