The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
