K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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