what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
