Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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