do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
