The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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