I faked an abortion last night.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
