you guys were way drunker than both of me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
