i think my tv is drunk
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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