he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
